Source Ameblo: http://ameblo.jp/ske48official/entry-12282011888.html
【※Note of Caution】
As I announced last time!!
There are highs and lows in the writing compared to last time.
It ended up being a very heavy blog post.
There are grotesque expressions as well,
so read only if you’re prepared…
(Just kidding! It’s a regular blog post ★ probably)
This is Tani Marika.
It was announced the other day!
As you all know,,
my name is not in the next single.
Knowing both that I ranked out and the date that it would be announced, I was trying to really prepare myself… but when the time came, I found myself blanked out.
To be honest, every time a single is announced I would be happy but would also think what if I’m not on the next one? I would find myself feeling very anxious.
What I thought most when I ranked out.
“This moment has actually come,”
“What will the faces be like of the fans who support me? Will they be sad for me?” “What should I say to the other members?” I thought while biting my lips. The very first thought in my mind was the faces of the fans that support me.
With those thoughts!!
To not worry the fans,
the usual Tani Marika, my energetic self!
I updated the blog with a funny, masochistic post.
In my own way, I thought, “Everyone will have a laugh!!!”
Just that alone makes me happy so I updated it but…
instead I caused people to worry about me (＞＜)!
Everyone is kind. Thank you.
I read all the comments on SNS!
There were more warm and loving comments than I thought there’d be and I realized anew that I’m surrounded by love.
That alone makes Tani happy!
there were many comments from
fans who said, “I want to hear your true thoughts.”
And, there were many comments
like, “It’s okay to cry, ok?”…
To give you my real thoughts,
my heart is in much pain.
My heart really wants to cry,
But, you see.
I won’t cry.
cries here, then it’s no good.
It’s no good (..)
If I cry in front of everyone, I will become no good, everything up to now will go to waste, I feel, so I don’t want to cry.
And I am not alone,
I thought, so I held back my tears
in front of everyone.
As I wrote on mobile mail,
my current self can only apologize
Finding myself like this, I feel ashamed.
the fact that I ranked out.
I should really be more regretful about it,
but before feeling regretful about it,,
I’ve already accepted the fact that I ranked out, which is sad!
If I am to put it briefly,
while everyone is putting in their effort,
my own effort wasn’t enough.
Have I become spoiled
by my environment?
I think so….
If I can just contribute even a little more to SKE!
is what Tani Marika thinks.
“Can I do it???”
“I can!” “It’ll be fine.”
I say to myself naggingly
over and over and over!!!
“I’ll do my best!!!”
Finding myself only able to say that is irritating (._.) LOL
Everyone, there’s no one who is
doing their best or not doing their best behind the scenes.
It’s just that one’s own best efforts
wasn’t enough here.
Rather than the fact that I ranked out,
finding myself only able to express these things like this
is what I’m most regretful about,
It’s not all sad things.
There were happy things, too!!
Which is about Tani’s blog the other day.
Before the announcement, other members actually
kindly said to me, “Tani will properly express your feelings and not run away with jokes, ok?”
But I went straight to running away with jokes.
Sorry (/ _ ; ) chuckle.
It makes me so happy that I could cry that
there are so many members who understand Tani.
seriously worried for Tani.
I received many Line messages, too.
I’m sorry to have worried everyone (/ _ ; )!
I love all these loving members!!!!
I’m not very good at communicating
my inadequacies and thoughts
and didn’t want to cause misunderstandings,
so I had only written the following on mobile mail.
There are just two things that I decided
for myself after I moved to SKE.
【To rank in at SKE】
When that came true, I remember
I was really happy and cried a lot.
The second is.
【To continue ranking in at SKE】
I felt there was a special meaning inside me,
a special form of me.
I feel regret that that form has disappeared.
And what I want to say the most,
is that after Tani moved to SKE,
to all the HKT48 fans who still support Tani Marika.
My friends who support me,
the fans who support me and
received me warmly at SKE48.
My friends who trust me enough to depend on me,
I want to say to each and every one
who supports Tani.
I am really, sorry
that I couldn’t remain in that form.
I’m sorry I let you down.
But, it’s been two and a half years
that I’ve been in SKE48! It’s been a miracle that
I’ve been ranked in! And that I continued to rank in.
I was very happy.
Here’s to being able to have happy moments
and still have them now.
Is because of the fans who give it their best,
and because of the fans and their support.
Thank you very much.
When I graduate.
There was nothing I regret having unfinished while in SKE48.
To realize a future where I can proudly say that,
I will improve myself and give it my best in this present!
At an important time.
Before the General Elections,
to have shown a sad face to all the fans,
I am really sorry…
I really wanted to enter the General Elections with everyone
with good momentum.
I didn’t want to cause people to have sad faces.
I’m really sorry.
There’s still a lot that I want to write about
but what I can say now is only the above.
I hope I can cry happy tears…
with everyone on June 17th.
Tani believes in everyone ＾＾
I’m excited about the new SKE!!!!!
As I announced previously,
a long blog post with too many highs and lows that your ears will ring,
Thank you very much for reading.
I’m so happy mango~ that you’ve read it!
Translated by: Conjyak